IMPORTANT NOTE: The following parody was adapted from a recently-published Ohio news story about the newly-created sex offenders registry, and reaction from neighbors to the knowledge of their presence (the original story may be accessed by clicking here). Very few words were changed.

Since some rotten apples among liberal news editors are promising to public the lists of CHL-holders, and since gun ban extremists like Toby Hoover are encouraging people not to "hire, socialize, or share public space with those who carry hidden guns", could stories like this about those who exercise their right to choose to bear arms for self-defense be far off?

Summer, 2004

ANYWHERE, OH - It was not, as is usual, the local newspaper that initially notified residents of Smith Lane in the Jane Doe Estates that a 43-year-old man with a concealed handgun license (CHL) lives with his father on their street.

The first notification came from the license-holder's father. On Tuesday last week, he put a handwritten card into neighbors' mailboxes, explaining the situation and providing his address and phone number in case anybody had questions.

Residents were alarmed, and a local Councilman reports that he returned home at 10 that night to find his voice mail filled up and his phone still ringing off the hook.

On Saturday afternoon, about 70 residents of the neighborhood attended a special meeting at City Hall to discuss a CHL-holder coming to live in their neighborhood after going through 12 hours of training to receive his CHL.

On hand to field questions and give advice were the city's Police Chief, Safety Director, a police detective who handles homicide cases, the Mayor, Council President and Law Director.

Also there to address the crowd was the father. His son couldn't be there because he was due to arrive home the next day.

The councilman said that while the legal system has branded this man as a dangerous armed citizen, information shows that he's not a guy who goes out looking for trouble.

Click on the "Read More..." link below for more.

February 2, 2004
Mansfield News Journal

MANSFIELD -- Connie Hostettler is well aware of Richland County's dubious distinction as the sex-offender capital of Ohio.

Now she is trying to determine why.

Hostettler, records supervisor for the Richland County Sheriff's Department, has been in charge of the sheriff's sex-offender notification and registration program since Megan's Law went into effect in 1997.

With slightly more than 20 sex offenders per 10,000 residents, Richland County ranks first in the state in number of offenders for an area of its size. Even without about 70 offenders living at the Volunteers of America halfway house, 290 N. Main St., the area would rank third.

Hostettler said the department is trying to get a grant to study the issue.

It is an issue that never would have come to light without the registration law. Hostettler tracks offenders' whereabouts and updates the sheriff's Web site regularly.

"I'd say we are pretty much on top of it," she said. "I would hate to think what Cuyahoga County and those people are trying to do."

Click on the "Read More..." link below for more.

January 31, 2004
Associated Press

GOP has $3.6 million to spend on elections; Democrats far behind

COLUMBUS - The Ohio House Republican Campaign Committee raised an off-year record $3.6 million in 2003 for this year's elections, led by a $510,000 donation from Rep. Jon Husted's campaign, reports filed Friday with the secretary of state's office showed.

Just six campaign committees were responsible for $1.4 million -- more than one-third of the total. Husted, who is expected to succeed Larry Householder next year as speaker, was followed by Householder with $250,000; and Reps. Kevin DeWine, $230,000; Tom Raga, $215,000; Jim Hoops, $100,000; and Charles Blasdell, $97,000.

The previous record for a nonelection year was $3.4 million in 2001. Householder, who must leave next year because of term limits, raised $1 million for his own campaign account, said Dwight Crum, Householder's spokesman.

Householder has said he will seek statewide office in 2006, possibly auditor or treasurer. All 99 House seats are up for election this year.

Click on the "Read More..." link below.

February 4, 2004
Toledo Blade

Drivers never expect to need the air bags in their car, but we are grateful for them when the unexpected happens.

No one wakes up thinking, "today I will be robbed, beaten, raped, or murdered." But when the unthinkable occurs, a concealed firearm is often the best - and only - insurance that person has to survive a violent encounter. Marilou Johanek claims the 145-year-old prohibition against concealed firearms has served Ohio well. But has it?

The (anti-gun) Journal of the American Medical Association found that the vaunted Brady Bill has had no effect in reducing murder rates, despite its supporters' histrionics. The (anti-gun) Centers for Disease Control could find no correlation between strict gun-control laws and lowered crime rates in a recent study.

By contrast, John Lott's magnum opus, More Guns, Less Crime, conclusively demonstrated - with hard data, not demagoguery - that our states are safer when citizens are allowed to arm themselves for their own protection. Further, no state that has "shall issue" licensing provisions has experienced the dire consequences predicted by anti-gun elites.

Armed citizens are free citizens - happier, safer, and more productive - than those living in the socialist utopias championed by anti-gun liberals.

Toby Hoover, Ms. Johanek, and others are not simply wrong on this issue. They are morally complicit in hundreds of crimes against individuals by their obstructionism. Lacking any credible evidence for their position, one has to wonder if they are simply ignorant or pro-actively wicked.

At minimum, they have an obligation to acknowledge the truth. Better, they owe gun owners an apology.

JOHN RANDALL
Bowling Green

Not all Toledo Blade readers are so well-informed. Click on the "Read More..." link below for two examples.

Ohio joins multistate antiterror database
Police can search billions of records; privacy invasion, some say

Dayton Daily News
February 04, 2004

COLUMBUS -- Despite privacy concerns, Ohio is one of six states signed up to use powerful computer technology that will allow police to search billions of records to root out criminal and terrorist suspects with lightning speed.

MATRIX — Multistate Anti-Terrorism Information Exchange — ties together government and commercial databases for authorities to quickly comb through. The data is already accessible to law enforcement but MATRIX allows police to search it quickly, retrieving information detectives normally laboriously gather in investigating a crime, said James V. Canepa, chief deputy Ohio Attorney General.

"This is all stuff that is currently available publicly. It's just done more efficiently," Canepa said.

MATRIX compiles information from state, federal and private databases including: motor vehicle registrations, drivers licenses, criminal and prison records, voter registrations, digitized photos, property ownership, tax and utility records, phone books, corporate registrations, sexual offenders, address information from credit histories, and more.

Exactly what data is included depends on what participating states decide to submit. Ohio is ready to supply criminal histories and is studying whether to add Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles and highway patrol records.

Christine Link, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio, said MATRIX will allow the government to assemble electronic dossiers on millions of innocent Americans. It shifts suspicion from individuals to everyone, she said.

The ACLU said MATRIX is akin to the Pentagon's Total Information Awareness large-scale database. That project, now scrapped, would have allowed authorities to shift through scores of personal information, looking for patterns that might identify terrorists.

Attorney General Jim Petro has decided to add Ohio's criminal histories to the MATRIX database, but it is up to Gov. Bob Taft whether records under his control are added, said Petro spokeswoman Kim Norris. Petro's office signed an agreement Jan. 23 to participate, she said.

The state Department of Public Safety, which is under Taft's control, is studying whether to add Bureau of Motor Vehicles and highway patrol records and if so, whether any information should be held back, said Susan Raber, public safety spokeswoman.

Once system security issues are worked out, a handful of Ohio's 975 law enforcement agencies will initially have access to MATRIX. Eventually, all Ohio police agencies would be able to tap into it for law enforcement queries.

MATRIX is funded with $12 million from U.S. Justice and Homeland Security departments.

Story edited for space - click here to read the entire story.