You Won't Believe What This Gun Control Group Has Finally Admitted

A press release from a gun control group is turning heads today.

Dear <supporter name redacted>,

On March 31, 2016, after our customary 2 hours of aversion and projection therapy, we went to bed confident in our mission to destroy the U.S. Constitution.

A curious thing happened overnight - a tragedy that impacted all of us here at D.N.B.C. We are confident that most common sense Americans will agree and stand with us in the face of this tragedy and with our conclusion.

We’ve been flat-ass wrong on the gun control issue for decades.

“I remember waking up with the thought of ‘WTF have I been thinking?’ racing through my mind’” said President Gan Dross.

“Putting words on a piece of paper or a sign, I might as well put a ‘no wolf’ sign in the middle of a sheep pen.”

The gun industry, who has bought and paid for the legislative process for years, agrees with our position. “It turns out we had more in common than we realized. We look forward to a multi-disciplinary approach to common sense gun control. This will largely consist of the people who actually carry guns daily for self-defense writing all new gun legislation.”

Please, we need your donation of $5, $25, $50 or $100 today to continue our salaries while we try to come to grips with fact we have been obstinate assholes for decades. We really don’t want to seek real jobs. Imagine an employer looking at a resume filled with our “achievements.”

In Solidarity (and my mortgage payment is due soon),

Gan Dross, President.

Hoping you are enjoying this April Fool's Day as much as we are.

Ken Hanson is a Delaware attorney active in gun rights litigation, lobbying and training. He is the author of “The Ohio Guide to Firearm Laws,” and serves as Buckeye Firearms Association Legislative Chair.