Rep. Bill Patmon (D-Cleveland) proposes bill to ban simulated hammers

Representative Bill Patmon, (D-Cleveland), past Chairman of the Cleveland Employment and Affirmative Action Committee and author of the most sweeping employment discrimination law in the history of Cleveland, has introduced HB 985, legislation which seeks to ban imitation hammers. The bill is being co-sponsored by Rep. Alicia Reece (D-Cincinnati).

In 1997 Bill Patmon received the National League of Cities Cultural Diversity Award and was a member of the Leadership Cleveland Class of 1998. Bill is a lifetime member of the NAACP.

Patmon’s press release explains “It was becoming increasingly apparent that my district was suffering from a housing crisis. Some of these rental houses that are 130 years-old are falling apart. Based upon talking points from Michael Bloomberg, the source of the problem was clear: the people who built the houses used faulty tools.”

“Playskool and Fischer Price have really upped their game. There is absolutely no way to distinguish one of these toy hammers from the real thing. My bill would require these ‘simulated’ hammers to have clear, distinct orange marking.”

Buckeye Firearms Association's Ken Hanson was granted an exclusive interview with Rep. Patmon to discuss his proposal.

KH: So, in summary, what does your proposal seek to accomplish?

BP: Thanks for having me here. This is common sense hammer control. Most hammer owners would agree that this in no way infringes upon their right to own hammers.

KH: Ok, but what does your proposal seek to accomplish?

BP: Through our research, which is based upon talking points from Michael Bloomberg that have no basis in fact or reality, we determined that simulated hammers are the 1st, 3rd and 5th leading cause of shoddy construction in the United States. My bill would require these simulated hammers to have orange tape on them.

KH: So you want hammers to have different colors?

BP: Yes. This will stop the shoddy construction. On the jobsite, if simulated hammers have orange tape on them, the inspectors will clearly know who is allowed to be driving nails and who isn’t.

KH: What if someone with a hammer simply puts orange tape on their hammer to make it appear to be a simulated hammer.

BP: That is impossible, my proposal makes that illegal.

KH: What if someone takes a simulated hammer marked with orange tape and covers up the orange tape?

BP: That could never happen.

KH: Why not?

BP: Because my bill makes that illegal.

KH: So, a housing inspector is on a job site, and sees someone wielding a hammer wrapped in black electrician’s tape, do they stop the construction?

BP: This interview is over.

Hoping you are enjoying this April Fool's Day as much as we are.

Ken Hanson is a Delaware attorney active in gun rights litigation, lobbying and training. He is the author of “The Ohio Guide to Firearm Laws,” and serves as Buckeye Firearms Association Legislative Chair.